On days like these I feel restless yet stagnant, I feel chaotic waves raging and the quiet of calm sea coexisting in me. My soul watches all this, as confused as I am. I am so used to fighting these feelings that it wonders why aren't you running, why are we still? Move, hide, do something, anything; just stop all this, the voice screams. I had fought them all my life, I had been trained too well for it : "Hide your emotions" : "Don't give it out" : "Pull a brave face" : "Don't let people see through you" : "Try to be happy" : "Don't sit all alone with yourself" : "It's all in your head" : And there I was doing exactly that all my life, believing and listening to others telling me how to live, breath, love by the way they saw fit for me. Fighting the feelings, running away from them, suppressing them with unnecessary stuffs that I'd do, only to realize that they never really leave you, they crawl back and haunt you once you are all alone again. I understand today that as much as I want this to end, it's sadly not how it works. Only I can face my demons, I know them too well.
So I sit here cross-legged staring right into the face of this storm, allowing my heart, my mind, this body and soul to feel all that it's supposed to. Without interrupting the flow, for I know how stubborn this war can be; after all, it's me against me.
- Anjum Choudhary
Game on; demons. It's me vs you now.